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Ok so here's the deal, I did a late night washload consisting of my cookie monster blue towels and the green sweats I sleep in. It's around 11pm and the load just finished drying and I'm all excited to slip into my toasty sweats and get to sleep.
This should be good. Very good. Nothing beats toasty sweats, except maybe toasty towels.
Anyway, I get into the sweats. The warmth is getting me all sleepy. I just took a shower, so I smell clean too. Damn, this is heaven! I get into bed, turn off all the lights and lay there, waiting to be carried off in the gentle arms of sleep.
But now there's a problem. I'm too hot under the covers.
First thing to go is the sweatshirt. Maybe it's too toasty. No problem, I sleep with three comforters, I should be fine. I settle back down. Assume the rest position. Ok sleep; come carry me away...
Christ, now my legs are too hot. Maybe pulling off my socks will do the trick.
Nope.
Dammit! Now I have to take off the sweatpants. This sucks. But noooooo, I can't just take 'em off. Instead, I realize two things:
- I am alone in the house, so no one can hear me.
- Now might be a good time to brush up on my Shakespearean acting techniques.
So I don't just pull my sweats off, I act them off. There, laying in my bed, moonlight spilling through the light well in the middle of my ceiling, I am saying, "Off with these pants!" In a voice that would do a tortured Dane proud.
"I say good man, off with these pants!" One leg down, one to go.
"These pants are the workings of the devil!" Second toasty leg is down.
"Whosoever gave me these pants?!?" And they're kicked off entirely and shoved out one side of the bed. (Careful to not let any cold air in or undo too much of the Newly-Made Bed Tightness.)
I think to myself, "Jesus, I've never acted toasty sweats off before. I wonder if this is considered a normal thing?"
Then I turned to my right, my "laying down" right, and saw that the clock read 11:11pm. For some reason that seemed like a good sign.
Waitaminute, it's 11:11 on 1/11! Yowza! Maybe it's ok to act off your toasty sweats if it's 11:11pm on 1/11. Maybe something to do with seven of the same digit (or three elevens if you wanna be more accurate)
Yeah, that makes more sense. I think inside those 60 seconds it's ok to practice your Shakespeare.
Especially if you're uncomfortably hot.
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