I had a revelation this morning in the shower. Actually, I normally think of revelations happening outdoors, say standing on a vast landscape being spoken to by a vision of an Indian whose whispers in the wind speak of powerful spirit forces as sunshine drips from overhead.
Instead I'm standing off-kilter in the shower (which is bad, since most injuries in the home take place in the bathroom) and I'm batting my eyes rapidly to fight off the thick foam of caustic shampoo that's running towards my eyes (sure the Aveda Shampure burns, but the smell is addictive. It's like crack for your hair.) And I can't wipe me eyes (blind as a bat, mind you) with my hand because I have soap all over it. And I just don't wanna turn to rinse it off because then I'd ruin the elaborate suit of suds I'd just spent the last 10 minutes trying to construct...
Ok, so let's see: I'm in the shower, I'm nearly blind, about to have what's left of my sight burned out by a nice smelling crack shampoo.
Then it hits me: my soap. My Lever 2000 Pure Rain (I'm an avid user of lever 2000, for my 2000 parts. I started with the original, moved on to the anti-bacterial when it came out & then graduated to the blue Pure Rain when it premiered.) My Lever 2000 smells like something familiar. Something cat-like...
Oh my god! My Lever 2000 smells exactly like my cat's Fresh Step kitty scoop litter!
How can that be?
How can my clean temple, the soap I've been using for nearly a year, smell like my cat's ass? (ass, litter... So I'm on the verge of getting my artistic license revoked.) Thinking back, I bet that's why I picked this litter, because it smelled so good. A lot like my forearm, the one holding up the container of litter!
At this point I don't know what to do. Should I continue the shower with this kitty litter soap, or switch to the backup bar: Mountain Spring Dial? I wish there was some kinda hotline I could call to have someone talk me through this mess. (Well, I guess it's not really a mess since I'm in the shower and everything's actually quite clean.) Then again, I don't have a phone nearby, and streaking across my living room, darting for the phone, is sure to send the folks across the street who have a view of my apt into seizures.
Time to make a Big Decision. Y'know, like plastic or paper? Medium soda, or a large for only 25 cents more?
Use the foam force.
What would Sting do in a situation like this?
I continue with the Pure Rain. I figure no one else knows my little secret. I mean, what are the chances that someone's gonna get close enough to smell my arm and use Fresh Step kitty litter scoop stuff at home and make the connection. I think the bigger issue is with my cat. I could be in bed, asleep, when he gets a whiff & decides to doo doo on me. Now that, my friend, would suck.
Wait... I just told you. You're, ummmm... Not gonna tell anyone about this, right? I mean, I was just kidding. Yeah. I really use Mountain Spring Dial. That Lever 2000 stuff is waaaayyyy too expensive. Yeah. And I don't even use Fresh Step. Beach sand. My cat uses good old fashion beach sand. We're still waiting for our Mars Rover Litterbox Playset TM