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So I'm cruisin' through my 'hood. Like the sunlight, I'm heading in an easterly direction, towards the post office. It's nice out, but kinda windy, so I've got my hands buried in my pockets. Still wearing the Big Black Coat, since my Big Brown Coat (aka the Moleskin Coat) has some loose buttons.
Walking down the avenues, I fell behind a trio of women. I hit the dreaded Wall of Ass. That's when you're walking along and find yourself stuck. Can't go to the left, can't go right. I tried the "2-1 split", the "drop to the curb", even the "handicap corner ramp sidestepper." Damn. To top it off, these three women are foreigners (either German or Swiss from the sound of it.)
I guess that isn't a bad thing, I don't mean any disrespect, I'm just trying to get around them. I thought we tore down the Wall years ago...
Anyhoo, I finally get a chance. There's a slight break in their formation. I go for it. I weave through three parking meters, almost dropping to the street, but it wasn't necessary. As I pass I catch a whiff. Not like some kinda superfreak, I'm just inhaling after the move I just busted. Hey, they actually smell ok. Could these people really be European?
I know, that does sound like a bad thing to say, but how true is it? I mean, not to be completely stereotypical, but most Europeans stink in general.
Look, Europe is basically the center of (modern) civilization. Everything there has been there for quite some time: the roads, the cathedrals, the foods, the customs, and yes, the BO. It's not their fault. I think our original Colonies were founded on fresh ideas. It also reflected a fresh look on things, and a fresh smell. Maybe capitalism sparked some exponential growth in the area of soap research. I dunno, I'm not a hygiene historian.
One of the sharpest memories I have of my trip to Europe (at age 15) is a smell. Venice. In the summer. Ew. Sure there are all those romantic canals filled with drifting gondolas. The food, the music, the sunsets. But seriously, it smelled like the water in that city hadn't moved since Shakespeare was in writing class.
Maybe they're used to it. Maybe they act like it's nothing, as to somehow convince tourists that nothing's wrong. Oh yeah, well this guy was on to you. Maybe it was some government plot to keep the people passive. Brainwash 'em. Actually, the water stank so bad, I don't think any kind of "wash" could've been planned...
I don't know what it is about Europeans though. I mean, maybe they're just so used to it. Maybe dad stank. Like his father before him. And his father's father. Just a long tradition of BO. I'm betting soap was never passed down as a family heirloom. And every now and then I see these ads for some kinda crystal thing that replaces deodorant. They say the French had something to do with it, that these crystals have been used in Europe for years. That's supposed to be an endorsement? That's like having the Pope trying to sell condoms. Something just ain't kosher... (errr, so I'm mixing my religions, schaddup.)
Walking past these women just caught me off guard. Maybe it's a sign. The dawning of a New Age. A Fresh Smelling Age. Now if only the other countries could catch on. Ireland I'm not worried about, they have Irish Spring (deodorant soap!) And I'm very familiar with that stuff. It's what my mom used to shove in my mouth when I said something bad. But we won't go there...
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